Already?

So D went in for another appointment yesterday. This was one of the 'typical' appointments, so I didn't go. Of course, when she got there, the typical part went out the window and it because a more bambino-centric visit. They did the ultrasound thing again, then did some other things, then gave D some instructions for she and I.

We're supposed to decide, apparently quite soon, whether we want to have our bambino circumcised.

We wondered how they were planning on going about such a procedure five months before he joins the rest of us out here in the cold harsh world. Then we started wondering if this decision is so loaded or emotional or complicated that people typically take five months to figure it out. It didn't seem complicated to either of us. Maybe everyone else knows something we don't. Or maybe we know something everyone else doesn't.

So I did what any smart fellow would do: I googled it, and then clicked on the first link that caught my eye. It was Men's Health article titled "Circumcision: Pros and Cons." This seemed like the kind of article that might have some key information that could influence our decision. As it turned out, though, this article didn't talk about health or cleanliness or how much it might hurt or the likelihood of infection but instead discussed how an unsnipped member compares to a snipped one when rolling in the hay with one's sexual partner. The bottom line, according to the experts at Men's Health, is that both circumcised and uncircumcised men are able to have satisfying sex lives; and that the pleasure of their partners doesn't hinge on this detail but is instead dictated by other factors.

This is not helpful information for the current scenario. We weren't thinking about the bambino's sex life quite yet. Of course now that I've read the article, I am thinking about it. Which is absurd. We're still not out of the woods with the whole preggo thing and I'm already rehearsing the "here's a box of condoms" conversation. Shouldn't I be thinking about teaching him the alphabet instead?

D is Italian, and over there in Italy the practice is a lot less common than it is over here. And over here, it's a lot less common than it used to be (like when I was a kid). So we're basing our choice, in part, on our own experience (which is essentially zero) and that of the people we know (which isn't much more than zero).

We don't have a cultural nor faith based attachment that tells us whether it's the right idea or the wrong one. Some people do, and we certainly support them in their beliefs. But we don't.

About exactly twenty years ago I lived in an Intentional Community, which was really just a dysfunctional attempt at what we'd have called a Commune twenty years prior - for me, this amounted to affordable housing while I was in school and for others it offered an arena for assigning men blame for everything nasty that had ever happened to anyone.

One of the fellows who lived there was going through some pretty heavy duty soul searching and had, at 26 years old, suddenly learned that the whole circumcision process is a terrible, painful method of abuse and he instantly became completely distraught that the parents he thought had loved him as a child would perpetrate such an awful act of violence against him at an age when he was helpless and vulnerable and completely reliant on them for everything. At the dinner table, he would suddenly burst into tears and disrupt whatever conversation had been going on, or we'd hear him wailing while he was in the shower. Jeez, dude.

I'm thinking that guy was out of his gourd. I don't think this is an abusive act. And I certainly don't think there's any sense in becoming upset and miserable over something that you can't remember anyway, especially when it was something that was very likely well advised and well intended, performed at a time when conventional wisdom asserted that it was a Smart Thing to do in favor of a male's lifelong overall health. Anyway, his mythical torturous experience has no bearing on our decision either. It's just that when the question came up, that's one of two things that popped into my mind.

The other thing that popped into my mind, which does have some bearing, is the experience of one of my childhood friends. Neither he nor his brother received "the procedure" when they were young. My friend (we'll call him J) got himself a hernia when he was about 20 years old. When he went to the doc to have the hernia fixed, he asked if they'd go ahead and circumcise him while they were poking around down there with their knives and scalpels. They did.

J woke up without any awareness of sensation related to the hernia operation because he was overwhelmed by the discomfort related to the foreskin bit. Said he'd never have done it if he'd known what the recovery would be like. I'm thinking, if that's true for him, it's probably an uncomfortable experience for everyone else, and even if they don't remember it later, if it isn't medically necessary nor culturally dictated, mabye we don't want to sign the bambino up for this unpleasantness. If he wants it later, it'll still be available to him. Then again, we haven't heard all of the compelling reasons to choose one thing over another so we'll probably keep asking around and checking out websites.

And when we do decide, I won't likely be making our decision known here.

Thanks --

Cameron